


Losing Control

by under_the_blue_moonlight



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Animal Transformation, Hope you like angst, this is a fic built on people becoming panicked
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:02:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23971261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/under_the_blue_moonlight/pseuds/under_the_blue_moonlight
Summary: 'Putting Others First' revealed a new ability of the Sides: when they get too overly panicked and stressed, they uncontrollably transform into giant animals or creatures. Patton becomes a frog, but what about the others?
Comments: 20
Kudos: 154





	1. Spider

“Roman? Please open up! Please, I just want to talk!”

There was no response from the other side. Patton sighed, leaning against the red door in front of him. “Come on, Ro… I promise, we love you so so much. You are still and always will be Thomas’ hero! And you’re mine too. That hasn’t changed at all!”

Finally, Roman spoke from the other side. However, it wasn’t the response Patton had hoped for. “Oh really? Because it seemed to me Deceit was your knight in black and yellow armour who saved you and Thomas today! Since you both insist he saved Thomas and will not corrupt him into a horrible evil liar!”

“Ro, his name is Janus, and-”

“Go away, Patton. I don’t want to hear it.”

Patton placed his hand on the doorknob, hoping he could will it to unlock and let him in. “Kiddo-”

“I said **go away**!”

Patton cried, pulling his hand away from the doorknob as it suddenly erupted to a scalding temperature. He whimpered at the pain, watching as his hand went bright red, and was even starting to blister in some places. As much as he wanted to keep trying to break through to Roman, he knew he had to get his hand under some water. He quickly ran to the kitchen, turning on the faucet at the sink and holding his hand under the water. He sighed in relief as the pain began to subside. As he stood there, letting his hand be soothed, there were footsteps behind him as someone came into the room.

“Oh, hey, Pat,” Virgil said. “Um.... you and Ro were gone for a while. Is everything, like, good?”

“Well… that’s complicated. It was all really bad at first… and then things got a whole lot worse... but then things got better! Well, better for me… I learnt a really important lesson, and I’m gonna be a much better morality from now on!”

“That’s cool.”

“Yeah, but, uh… Roman isn’t doing as good. He’s mad at me and Thomas, and he’s locked himself in his room, refusing to talk to me.”

“Jeez, what got up his butt?”

“Um… well-”

“Patton, I just wanted to come check on you after what happened today.” Logan had come in, nose buried in a book. “I understand we were all rather hard on you. Not saying we didn’t need to be, but… given the rather unusual transformation you went through, I thought it’d be best to check on you, even if, from what I understand, Janus has already done so-”

“Did you just say Janus?!”

Logan’s eyes widened as he looked up from his book, finally registering Virgil standing there. “Ah… salutations, Virgil…”

“You… you two know Deceit’s name?! How?!”

Patton sighed, knowing this wouldn’t end well. “He, um, he helped me. And he helped Thomas. Basically, when we went to talk to Thomas, we were discussing moral dilemmas, and Logan was popping in occasionally to give us extra information.”

“Well, I was until _someone_ decided to skip my dialogue, at which point Janus replaced me.”

“And I, uh, ended up being faced with a moral dilemma that I just… I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what was right. And I… I broke down. I went a little crazy.” Patton paused. “Okay, more than a little. I was so desperate to choose the right thing, to help Thomas choose, that I completely lost control over myself. So… Janus revealed himself. And he talked me down. Explained why how I’ve been acting is wrong. It turns out, he was right. He’s been right all along. I’ve always pushed Thomas to be too selfless. I don’t give him time to care for himself. Janus’ good. Good for me, good for Thomas, good for all of us. Thomas is giving him a seat at the table now. Though Roman… isn’t very happy about it.”

Virgil’s eyes were wide, shiny like he was on the verge of tears. He took a deep breath, but it came out as a shaky terrified laugh. “He shouldn’t be… You know, Pat, I really fucking thought you’d be the last person Janus would be able to manipulate… Who knew the strictest morality in the world could be bent to a liar’s will so easily?! And you Logan?! You too?! I thought you were all about fucking facts; the opposite of lies!”

“Kiddo, please-”

“NO! You don’t know the others like I do! I was one of them, I know what they are! And they are monsters!”

Patton chuckled awkwardly. “Trust me, if anyone was a monster today, it was me…” he then mumbled under his breath, “quite literally…”

“Great! Now he’s got you thinking you’re bad for Thomas! Great! Just… fuck!” The tears were streaming down his face now. “D-did... Did you say that… that Thomas is giving him a seat at the table?! He… he accepted him?! He’s gonna listen to him?! Th… that can’t happen! It **can’t!** ” As he yelled the last word, his tempest tongue started to play up. But that wasn’t all - his form also glitched. And it was a glitch all too familiar to Patton. Confirming Patton’s suspicions, when the glitching stopped, it revealed Virgil now possessed an extra set of eyes as well as fangs.

Logan and Patton shared a worried glance, before the former stepped forward. “Virgil, can you name five things you can s-”

“ **SHUT UP! I CAN’T TRUST YOU! I WON’T DO YOUR SHITTY GROUNDING EXERCISES!** ” Virgil glitched again, but this time it was followed by a bright flash of light.

When it died down, and Patton and Logan were both able to see again, they were met by the sight of a giant black spider, draped in the shredded remains of Virgil’s clothes and with piercing purple eyes. Patton screeched at the sight of it, running to go hide behind Logan. The spider continued to yell in Virgil’s voice.

“ **Look, Janus’ evil! He’s dark! I know he is, I was just like him! I was a monster too!** ”

“Virgil, that’s the point, you _were_!” Logan called up to him. “You grew and changed. Janus has done the same. I understand it may be hard for you to accept given your… past with Janus, but he is a better person now. Patton and I have seen it. We are under no manipulation, and neither is Thomas.”

“ **I… But he can’t become better!** ” As Virgil yelled, he swiped one of his legs at Logan, hitting him and sending the logical side flying across the room, slamming into the wall. Patton cried out to him, but found Virgil yelling over his voice. “ **He’s lies, deceitfulness! If me growing means he can grow… then maybe I never did grow! Like… look at me! I just became a giant spider creature! I became the monster I am on the inside!** ”

“No… Virge, listen!” Patton bucked up the courage and stepped forward, closer to the spider, trying to suppress his fear. “This isn’t because you’re a monster or evil! Because if it was, then I guess I would have to be an evil monster too.”

“ **What do you mean, you would have to be…?** ”

“This… this happened to me too.”

“ **...What?** ”

“Remember how I said I ‘lost it’? I, uh, turned into a giant frog… But my point is, turning into this doesn’t make you a monster. I’m not one, and you aren’t either. You’re amazing, kiddo, and we all love you. You changed and became such a wonderful, kind and helpful person. You’ve come so far. But, Virge, Janus has too. If you just calm down, we can show you. You don’t need to be scared. We’ll always be here to protect you.”

“ **... How do I know you aren’t Janus? How do I know you didn’t shapeshift into Patton to fool me?** ”

Patton bit his lip, thinking for a moment. However, after a moment, an idea came to him. “Janus shouldn’t know about our card exchanges, should he?”

“ **No… why?** ”

“Then he wouldn’t know what the cards said. But I do! Mine to you said ‘UR FAM’ on the cover, and ‘ILY’ on the inside, along with a drawing of you, me, Logan and Roman, and a big red heart. Yours to me said ‘You make me wanna die’ on the cover, and ‘of laughter. Best friends’ on the inside. Still the best gift I’ve ever been given. No offence, Logan, the cat hoodie is great too.

“And we are best friends, Virge. Always will be. And best friends trust each other. I’m not asking you to trust Janus right now; I’m asking you to trust me. So please? Give me, and in turn, Janus a shot?”

Virgil blinked, looking clearly conflicted in his spider eyes. However, as he looked down at Patton, and Logan recovering from being thrown into the wall, he could just tell: it was them. No shapeshifting, no manipulation. He sighed.

With a flash of light, he was back to normal. “I… I don’t trust Janus yet. I doubt I will for a long time. But, I guess… if Thomas wants to work with him, I… can try to make peace with that. But I’m not happy about it.”

Patton smiled, opening his arms. “That’s all I ask, kiddo.”

Virgil smiled back, before accepting the hug. “Thanks, Pat… and you too, Logan. Sorry for hitting you. That was, uh… scary. Never become a giant spider before. Didn’t even know we could do that.”

“I don’t think any of us did until Patton,” Logan replied, getting to his feet and straightening his tie. “I’ll need to look into it, conduct some experiments… I wonder if it’s the same animal every time for each person? Will Patton always be a frog, and will you always be a spider? And I wonder what animals the rest of us would become...? The only one I’m sure about is Janus almost definitely being a snake. The rest of us however...”

“Well, Lo, I think it’s for the best we don’t do any experiments to do with this, given we apparently need to get really upset and panicky for it to happen,” Patton said. “If we’re trying to lean more into self care like Janus says we need to, that probably involves not making each other upset.”

“True. I guess I’ll have to wait until it happens again organically. Speaking of organic…” Logan went to the fridge, opening the door and getting a jar of Crofters. “Ah, my very own method of self care: delicious Crofters all for me to ea-”

At that moment, there was a sudden jolt throughout the whole mindscape, causing the jar to slip from Logan’s hands and shatter on the ground. He sighed. “Apparently I can’t have nice things…”

“What was that?” Virgil asked.

“I don’t know, kiddo. I’m sure, whatever it is, it’s perfectly fine.”

“Well, we may as well investigate.” Logan summoned his Sherlock cap and pulled it onto his head. “Watson, lets go.”

Patton smiled, summoning his flat cap and scarf on. “Okay! Time to solve the mystery of the mindscape earthquake!”

However, not much investigation was needed, as the source was immediately found when the three sides left the kitchen and entered the corridor with the “light sides’” rooms. For you see, there was an extra door that hadn't been there before: a bright yellow one. After a moment, said door opened.

“Well, what do you know? He really has properly accepted me…” Janus looked to the three sides in the corridor. “You think Thomas could accept Remus any time soon? I’ll miss him quite a bit if I have to live here now."


	2. Kraken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus catches up on recent events from a rather unreliable source

“Hello? Helloooooooo? Jan? Dee? Oh Janny-boy?! J-Anus?!”

Remus had lost count of how long he had been wandering the corridors of the “dark side” of the mindscape. He was sure Janus’ room was around here somewhere… It wasn’t usually this hard to find! Had he moved it just to fool around with him?

He huffed after searching for about an hour. Great, just great… He flopped on the couch in the living room, sighing. This was boring. Old Orangina was shut in his room, Janus was who knows where, and so Remus was left all alone. And he was booooooored! The only interesting thing that had happened was a weird earthquake jolt thingy earlier.

So, he decided to do what he always did when he was bored: go annoy people! Specifically his brother. He hopped to his feet, before disappearing, and then reappearing in Roman’s room. “HELLO, DEAR BROTHER!”

Roman cried, falling off of his bed at the abrupt yell. “What the hell, Remus?!”

Remus giggled. “I was bored, I can’t find Dee. Soooo… annoying my brother time!”

Roman rolled his eyes, getting up and sitting back down on his bed. “Don’t mention that Reptilian Rapscallion… He is the last person I want to hear about today.”

“Oh? Well, if you insist, I won’t mention Dee at all. I promise with all my heart not to talk about Deceit. I will never ever, cross my heart, mention the side who both represents deceit and is called Deceit. You have the full right to get revenge if I dare mention the very deceitful Decei-”

“Will you _stop_ talking about _fucking Janus_?!”

Remus’ face fell, and he blinked in confusion. He was silent for a solid ten seconds, making sure he definitely heard Roman correctly. “You… you know his name? But he only gives his name to his friends, to… to people he trusts… Did Virgil tell you?! That dickhead! The last thing Janus made him swore before he left was that he would tell no one Janus’ name! If he snitched, I’m going to rip out all of his organs and stab nails into them-”

“Don’t you dare!” Roman growled, turning to his brother. “Virgil did nothing!”

“Then how the fuck do you know Janus’ name?!”

Roman raised an eyebrow. He paused, looking over Remus. “...You don’t know what happened? He hasn’t told you?”

“Told me what…?”

Roman smirked, chuckling. “Guess he’s shitty to not just me, but you too. He hates us both.”

“Wha…? He doesn’t hate me! We… we’re best friends! We care about each other more than anyone e-”

“He left you, Remus. Ditched you for good.”

“...What?”

Roman stood up, smirking. “Today, Patton, Thomas and I were having some serious conversations. Janus rudely interrupted and forced himself into the conversation. He proceeded to manipulate Thomas and Patton into trusting him. To the point Thomas accepted him. It’s likely that, like Virgil, his room has moved to our corridor. He chose to leave you, to trick Thomas into making him move here. He even called you evil. Janus does not and never has cared for you. Though, to be fair, I don’t see how anyone could.”

Remus shook his head, tears brimming. “No… no, he wouldn’t… He’s my best friend, he… he wouldn’t just leave me… You’re lying!”

“ _I am not a liar!_ I am not like Janus, I am not evil!” Roman yelled. He paused, taking a deep breath and regaining his composure. “If you don’t believe me, just go and see for yourself.” He sat back down on his bed, huffing. “Go on. Go.”

Remus hesitated, before he turned and left Roman’s room, taking a deep breath to hold back the tears. As he walked down the corridor, he didn’t stop shaking his head. No, Roman couldn’t be telling the truth, Janus would never leave him, they were best friends, Janus didn’t think he was evil, there was no way, no way, no no no no way-

He froze, gasping in a breath as he saw it. The yellow door.

Remus stumbled back away from it, gasping for breath to try and stop himself from sobbing. This wasn’t real... Roman must have put that door there to trick him! That couldn’t… that would never be Janus’ real door! Janus wouldn’t leave him, there was _no way-_

“So, Roman refused to talk to you?”

“Yeah… sorry, kiddo. I’m sure he’ll come around eventually. This is all my fault… If I hadn’t forced such a strict black and a white view of morality, Roman wouldn’t have such a hard time accepting that you can change.”

“Patton, there is no point in you lamenting over that fact. I think it’s safe to say you’ve done that enough today. With Janus’ help, you acknowledged that flaw and are working on changing for the better. Not to mention, Roman shouldn’t be having such a hard time; he was able to accept that Virgil changed and became a better person - what’s the difference with Janus’ situation?”

“The difference is I already trusted and liked Virgil, so Roman followed my lead… If I’d been more accepting to Janus earlier, Roman would be comfortable with Janus too-”

“Patton, please don’t. Logan is right, this isn’t your fault. To be fair, it’s more so my own. I probably didn’t help the situation when I lashed out and compared Roman to Remus.”

Remus choked on a sob. He begged to himself that Janus wasn’t really the one who had just spoken, prayed that it was just someone else impersonating him, mimicking his voice. Remus tentatively peeked around the doorway to the “light sides’” kitchen.

And there Janus was, sitting at the table with Patton and Logan, the three casually talking.

It was true. Roman was right.

Janus had left Remus for the “light sides”.

A laugh broke from Remus’ mouth. It started quiet and tame, but soon turned to loud and crazed. Tears streamed down his face as screeched with laughter.

In the kitchen, the three sides jumped at the sudden noise outside. Janus was the closest to the doorway, getting up and stepping outside. “Remus! What’s going-”

“YOU LEFT ME!”

Janus’ face fell as Patton and Logan came into the hall as well. “What are you talki-”

“YOU KNOW FULL WELL WHAT I’M **FUCKING TALKING ABOUT!** ” Remus’ form glitched, causing Patton to sigh.

“Great… We have no idea we can do this, and the day we find out, it happens three times…”

When the glitching stopped, Remus now possessed green tentacles where his arms used to be. Janus groaned. “Oh, it’s like the frog thing, isn’t it?”

Logan nodded, having summoned a notebook which he was now taking notes in. “Yes, and it seems Remus’ form is an octopus or squid-like creature… Interesting...”

“Oookay, so what do we do?” Patton asked. “Logan, you said if we ignore him and don’t let him have power, he can’t get to us and it weakens him, right? So… should we just carry on our day and ignore him and he’ll go back to normal?”

“What?!” Janus looked disgusted at the suggestion. “He’s clearly in emotional pain, we need to help him and calm him dow-”

“ **DON’T PRETEND YOU CARE ABOUT ME!** ” Remus glitched again, and with a flash of light, he was gone. In his place was a giant cephalopod that was so large it broke the roof of the corridor. The noise it created caused Virgil to emerge from his room.

“What’s going- JESUS FREAKING CHRIST!”

“ **VIRGIL! JANUS,** **YOU GOT SO BROKEN UP WHEN VIRGIL LEFT - YOU COMPLETELY BROKE DOWN, YOU DIDN’T LEAVE YOUR ROOM FOR DAYS! YOU KNOW THE PAIN! AND YET YOU GO AND DO THE SAME THING TO ME WITHOUT BATTING AN EYE?! AND YOU CALL ME EVIL?! YOU CLEARLY DON’T GIVE A SHIT!** ”

Logan stepped between Janus and Remus. “Remus, you know full well that sides have no control over the movement of their rooms; it’s all about Thomas and how he sees us. Janus didn’t choose to ‘leave you’, as you say he di-”

He wasn’t able to finish as one of Remus’ tentacles wrapped around him, lifting him into the air and squeezing him so tight he couldn’t breathe.

“ **He did leave me!** ” Remus growled as Logan started to pale. “ **Roman said Janus manipulated Thomas and Patton into trusting him so he could have a seat at the table! HE CHOSE TO ABANDON ME!** ”

Patton groaned. “This again… Remus, you can’t trust what Roman said! He was very emotionally charged after what happened today, and really really doesn’t like Janus. He just said that to paint Janus as a bad guy! And the first thing Janus said after his room was moved was that he hoped you’d be accepted soon so he could still hang out with y-”

Just like he did with Logan, Remus wrapped a tentacle around Patton, lifting him up and squeezing him. Luckily, since he was now focussed on Patton, he loosened his grip on Logan, allowing him to breathe.

“ **Why should I trust you, Patton?! You hate me! I bet you’re trying to lull me into a false sense of security to try and get rid of me permanently or something!** ”

“Remus, you’re overlooking the fact that Roman heavily dislikes you as well,” Logan called, having gotten his breath back. “Not to mention, you know Patton isn’t one for lies. Roman, on the other hand? He’d be much more likely to lie to you to cause you emotional pain.”

“ **But… Then why did Janus call me evil?!** ” Remus’ grip on both Logan and Patton tightened further, the two gasping and grabbing at the tentacles compressing them, though the effort p roved fruitless. " **If Ro** **man was lying and Janus doesn’t hate me, why would he say that?!** ”

Now Janus spoke up, speaking quickly as he noticed Patton and Logan’s faces starting to go slightly blue. “I was trying to offend Roman. I…I didn’t think you would be upset if you heard. I mean, given what I know about you, I thought you’d think of being called evil as a compliment. I mean, if you like it being said that you ‘reek’ and you like the nickname ‘Dukey’, I figured ‘evil’ would be another compliment in your eyes.”

“ **...I guess… I do like being called evil… But it’s different when it’s coming from you! From the light sides, I like it and find it fun, because I want them to be scared of me and find me freaky and weird! But I want you to like me, because you’re my friend! Well… I thought you were...** ”

Janus grew even more panicked as he saw Patton getting dangerously close to passing out, and heard Virgil’s breathing getting frantic. “I didn’t mean to hurt you! You’re my best friend, Remus! Me being accepted does not change that. If you don’t want me to refer to you like that, I...” He quickly pulled off his right glove, holding it up as a pledge of honesty. “I promise I won’t ever again. I don’t want you to be upset. I care about you. Unlike… someone else, that didn’t change when I was accepted. And it never will.”

Remus paused, before his grip on Patton and Logan loosened. They both took in deep breaths, colour slowly starting to return to their faces. Remus returned them both gently to the ground. Janus ran over and supported them so they didn’t fall over. “Ironic I was talking about hypoxia earlier…” he mumbled.

His attention was brought back to Remus as there was a flash of light. Remus was back to normal, fiddling with his sash. “Um… Sorry, Jan, for, uh… doing that. I mean… being accepted is a pretty great thing for you. And I ruined it. I accused you of being a shitty friend, when I was the one being a shitty friend.”

“No, Remus, I’m sorry for insulting you and not making you aware of my acceptance sooner. You should have been the first person I told after I left Thomas’ apartment.” Janus stepped over and pulled Remus into a tight hug. “You’re free to visit me any time, my door’s always open. And I’ll see if I can put in a good word for you to Thomas, try and get you accepted next.”

Remus chuckled. “Thanks… Welp, J-Anus, I should be getting back to our… I mean, my part of the mindscape. You’re free to visit any time too.”

“I’m sure I will.”

Remus nodded. “... Hey, Patton, Logan?” The two sides in question turned to him. “...I’m not sorry at all! Like, you may be Jan’s friends and all now, but that was freaking awesome! I wanna become the Kraken more often! See ya, bitches!” And with that, he disappeared.

There was a moment of silence before Logan summoned his notebook again. “So it was the Kraken… Interesting… We can become fantastical creatures as well...”

“Well…” Virgil sighed. “I, uh… I’m gonna head to bed. It’s too late for this shit…” He turned and retreated into his bedroom.

“I think Virge makes a point,” Patton nodded. “It has been a really…. really… _really_ long and stressful day.”

“You’re very correct,” Janus nodded, heading to his door. “Goodnight, Patton, Logan. I’ll see you both in the morning.”

“Nighty night!”

“Good night, Janus. And the same to you too, Patton.”

“Night, Lo, I’ll see you in the morning. Our first breakfast with Janus! I’ll have to whip up something special!”

And with that, everyone in the mindscape retreated to their rooms, and as they did so, Thomas climbed into his own bed, ready for his first day of self care the next morning.


	3. Wolf and Dragon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas' first day of self-care really does not go to plan...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Roman is portrayed rather unsympathetically in this chapter, so... you've been warned

The beeping of his alarm woke Thomas in the morning. Usually, he’d groan, hit snooze, and then lie in. But not today! Today, he turned off his alarm and hopped out of his bed. “Time for some self-care! Step one: breakfast!” He ran downstairs to the kitchen. “Okay, I think a good start would be some delicious pancakes!”

“Don’t forget to have some water with your breakfast, hydration is key to staying healthy.”

Thomas chuckled, turning to Logan, who had risen up into the kitchen. “Got it, Lo. Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten your ‘extremist water agenda’.”

Logan nodded. “Good. I also thought, after breakfast, you should go for a run.”

Thomas raised an eyebrow. “A run? Lo, you know I’m not really one for exercise. I doubt it will make me feel good.”

“You say that, but it’s both good for your physical health and mental health. Exercise releases endorphins and serotonin, and can also trigger the release of dopamine. Both serotonin and dopamine are neurotransmitters you severely lacked the effects of yesterday. And, to make the exercise more enjoyable, you can always listen to music as you do it.”

“I guess… Listening to musicals as I run could make it more enjoyable.”

And that’s how, after a pretty good pancake breakfast, Thomas found himself in exercise clothes, jogging around his neighbourhood, the Hamilton soundtrack playing through his earphones. He couldn’t help but mutter “Sorry for yesterday, Leslie” as Alexander Hamilton started playing and said actor’s voice came in. Sure, the Leslie Odom Jr from yesterday had been imaginary, but Thomas still couldn’t help feeling kinda bad for the stuff ImaginLeslie went through - being threatened with potential death by giant buff LilyPadton must have been terrifying.

Speaking of musicals, as Thomas got near the town centre, his eye was caught by the local theatre. There were posters hung up saying that the auditions for the next community theatre musical were going to be in a couple of weeks, the show being Be More Chill. Thomas paused for a moment, looking over the poster, before shaking his head. Not the time, Thomas, now you are running and need to focus on that. That was probably Logan knocking some sense back into him.

He continued his run, eventually returning to his apartment. Once inside, he had a refreshing shower, got dressed into some comfortable clothes, before heading to his living room. After the gaming theme from the day before, he was in the mood to play some Kingdom Hearts! Well, he was about to get started, when he got a text.

_ Joan: Hey, Tommy! Talyn and I were thinking of heading over; we really want to know how the callback went! _

Thomas bit his lip. He’d told them both about the callback… but didn’t tell them about the wedding. Oh boy…

_ Thomas: Um… I actually didn’t go… _

_ Joan: WHAT?! WHY???????  _

_ Thomas: Lee and Mary Lee’s wedding was the same day, and I decided to go to that instead. It, um… was a horrible decision, I have now realised. I’m having a self-care break to make myself feel better. In fact, having you guys around would probably really help with that. Just some friends having some leisure time. _

_ Joan: I guess… But I’m going to make sure you never pass up an opportunity like that again! I mean, Alfred Hitchcopalucus, Thomas!!! _

_ Thomas: Yeah, I know, I said it was a mistake, please don’t make me feel worse… _

_ Joan: Sorry. We’ll be round soon. _

_ Joan: Oh, btw, it’s not exactly Hitchcopalucus, but I saw that the community theatre is doing Be More Chill - think you could be a pretty good squip. _

Thomas bit his lip as he read that last message. He guessed it would be kinda exciting and fun to take part…

“Not only that, but it’d prove you still actually hold me on some sort of pedestal… It would show you haven’t fully disregarded me for Janus…”

Thomas looked up to see Roman sat sulkily on his cushion throne beside the couch. The creative side was looking at Thomas with narrow eyes. Before Thomas could reply to him, Logan rose up into his usual spot.

“Thomas, joining in with a community theatre show is the last thing you need at the current moment in time. You’re committing to self-care right now, remember?”

“Oh, here we go, pushing Janus’ agenda again…” Roman huffed, folding his arms. “Why doesn’t he just come here himself? Why are you here instead?”

“Well, I feel that’s rather obvious. You heavily dislike Janus, ergo, you would dismiss anything he said immediately without listening. Patton is currently preoccupied with organising a whole “welcome to the ‘light sides’” celebration for Janus, and Virgil definitely would not like to speak for him. So, being the only one available, I am here instead.”

“Well, if you’re here to preach ‘self-care’, wouldn’t doing a community theatre be good for Thomas in that regard? Acting is something he enjoys, it will make him feel good to do.”

“Not necessarily. While Thomas may enjoy some parts of performing, there are a lot of stressful pressures that come with it. He’ll need to learn all the lines, all the songs, he has to commit to coming to all of the rehearsals, all the while working it around self-care practices and creating content for YouTube. And that’s not even mentioning all the anxiety it will give him. He’ll be anxious for the auditions, he’ll be anxious over forgetting his lines or choreography, he’ll be anxious that the other actors will forget their lines, messing up his cues. It’s just a lot of stress that really isn’t ideal. Not to mention, to get the part, he has to audition. And I can imagine the prospect of an audition will likely remind him of the opportunity he missed out on and cause him to feel upset - which, like the other things I mentioned, will be detrimental to his goal of self-care.” Logan turned to Thomas. “Remember, Thomas, there will always be more shows you can take part in, and you’ll only be able to enjoy being a part of them if you are mentally and emotionally healthy. As Janus said, you need to take some time for yourself. When you’re in a better headspace, then you can pursue your… professional make-believe again.”

Thomas nodded. To be fair, now Logan had brought it up, the idea of all that stress did not sound appealing given how shitty he already felt. Roman, on the other hand, didn’t seem to like anything Logan said, nor Thomas’ nod. His face hardened, and he stood up, staring Logan down.

“You know, Logan, if you really wanted to convince both Thomas and I that he shouldn’t audition, you would have been better asking, hm, _ literally anyone else _ to do it instead of turning up yourself.”

Logan raised an eyebrow. “Why would I be inadequate?”

Roman chuckled. “You know full well. We don’t care what you have to say!”

Thomas’ eyes widened, head snapping to the creative side. “Roman-!”

“You said it yourself yesterday, Logan. ‘Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed’. You’re right, we don’t. Why do you think I clicked the ‘ignorance’ button? We don’t care what you have to say.”

“Roman, stop!”

“You know, you’ve been acting sooo high and mighty since Thomas called you ‘cool’. You realise that’s, like, the most basic meaningless compliment ever, right? People use ‘cool’ as a complete throw-away word. Thomas only said it because you were clearly fishing for compliments with your ‘don’t mention it, just another day's work’ comment, and he wanted to shut you up. It really makes sense you’re on Janus’ side because you, Logan, are selfish.”

“Ro-”

“Not to mention, logic is boring.  _ You _ are so  _ so _ boring! Here you are, stopping Thomas from pursuing his dreams, just like in our debate together.”

“Well, a community theatre performance of Be More Chill isn’t exactly my dream. My dream was to be in an Alfred Hitchcopalucus film, and you’re the one who, in the end, decided I shouldn’t audition for tha-”

“You make him go on runs, drink only water, have the same schedule for every single day; where is the spice in that life?! Your idea of self-care is probably that pie chart you showed Thomas in our debate in which he only gets 0.5% of the day to pursue his dreams! Not to mention all the rules you’ve set in the mindscape. Thomas, you would not believe the stupidly strict rules he has set! I mean, I’m not allowed to cook-”

“You set fire. To the kitchen,” Logan spoke with gritted teeth, holding back anger and, by the looks of it, tears.

“-and we’re only allowed to be in the shower for 15 minutes at a time-”

“Because, beforehand, you’d be in there for hours at a time. We all share a bathroom, the rest of us need to use it, and we can’t if you’re hogging it!”

“-and we all have to be in bed by 11 o’clock every night. Which is extremely hypocritical, given he pulls all nighters-”

“I have important work that I need to do, and I wouldn’t need to stay up late every night if  _ someone _ gave me peace and quiet during the day and didn’t disturb me when I am working!”

“Oh! And I almost completely forgot the most stupid rule! ‘No paradoxes’. We aren’t allowed to say paradoxes out loud! Apparently it ‘messes him up’. It is completely ridiculous.” Roman huffed, before pausing. A menacing smirk tugged at his lips. “Oh, Logan…”

“Don’t you dare!”

“This statement is false.”

The second the sentence left Roman’s lips, Logan cried in pain, clutching his head. Not only that, but his form started to glitch.

“Roman, stop it now!” Thomas cried, getting to his feet.

“I’m just curious, Thomas, don’t worry. Logan likes experimenting, I’m sure he’s fine with me trying this for science.”

Roman turned back to Logan, who had stopped glitching. Neither Roman nor Thomas noticed the fangs that were now in Logan’s mouth, nor the claws protruding from his fingers.

“Hey, Logan, I have a mission for you…”

“Roman, I am begging you,” Logan whimpered. “Please  **don’t** -”

“New mission: refuse this mission.”

Once again, Logan cried, clutching his head, glitching. Thomas watched in horror as Roman chuckled. And then Roman went into full blown laughter when the glitching stopped, revealing Logan now possessed a pair of fluffy silver… dog? ears and a matching tail. “Oh my gosh, Logan, I didn’t know you were a furry! Anyway, I have one last thing I need to ask you…”

“D- **don’t** !”

“Does a set of all sets contain itself?”

“ **A-A-A-AHHHHH!** ”

Thomas’ eyes widened as, after glitching once again, with a flash of light, Logan grew and transformed. Now, standing before both him and Roman, was a giant wolf in Logan’s shredded clothes. It growled down at Roman. 

“ **You are the most insensitive, arrogant, and rude person I have ever known, Roman!** ” Logan’s voice growled from the wolf. “ **I always try my best to help Thomas, and work so** **_so_ ** **hard for him, and what do I get for it?! NOTHING! Not from anyone! None of the other sides ever thank me! But at least they don’t insult me and hurt me like you do…!** ”

“Logan, please, calm down!” Thomas called, before turning to Roman. “Apologise to him!”

“No! I did nothing wrong. I just stated the facts.”

“ **You told me paradoxes despite the fact I told you not to and I was in visible pain! You call Janus selfish, BUT YOU ARE 10X MORE SELFISH THAN HE HAS EVER BEEN!** ”

Roman’s eyes flickered with hurt for just a moment, before his expression turned to rage. There was a flicker of a glitch, before Roman snarled, smoke exhaling from his mouth . “I’m selfish…?” He glitched again. This time two red reptilian wings had appeared on his back. “I’m selfish?!  **I’LL TELL YOU WHAT’S SELFISH** !”

With another glitch and a flash of light, Roman was gone. In his place was a dragon. “ **Selfish is giving me a bunch of mixed messages and then getting mad at me when I get things wrong! I’m mean to Virgil because he’s a Dark Side. “Oh no, Roman, he’s good, he’s a precious baby, treat him nicely!” Okay, so Dark Sides are good, I’ll treat Deceit nicely! “Oh no, Roman, he’s evil, you can’t trust him!” Okay, so Deceit’s evil, I’ll treat him badly! “Oh no, Roman, his name is Janus, and he’s good and trustworthy, treat him nicely!” HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD PRINCE I AM IF WHAT’S RIGHT AND WRONG IS CHANGING EVERY DAY?! If I’m acting ‘badly’, it’s not my fault, it’s yours, and Patton’s, and everyone’s for messing with my head!** ”

“ **That isn’t an excuse to hurt me!** ”

“ **MAYBE YOU DESERVE TO BE HURT!** ”

Before either Thomas or Logan could say anything, a jet of fire burst from Roman’s mouth, scorching Logan’s fur. The wolf whimpered in pain, before growling and then pouncing on the dragon. And so a brawl between the two started. 

Thomas ran up onto his stairs, crouching down behind the banister, praying a jet of fire wouldn’t be sent his way. He helplessly watched as the two giant animals tore into each other, wrecking his apartment in the process. Oh dear god, oh god, oh god, what was he supposed to do?! He was praying that, like Janus did when Patton became a frog, someone would turn up and stop the havoc.

At that moment, someone did turn up. However, it was the last people Thomas wanted them to be.

A knock came from his front door. Joan and Talyn.

Shit.

Usually, the sides being present wasn’t a problem when Thomas’ friends came around. The sides were able to make themselves invisible to anyone who wasn’t Thomas. However, that was an issue now. For one, Logan and Roman likely wouldn’t stop fighting long enough to listen to Thomas and go invisible, and for two, even if they were invisible, the destruction they had caused to Thomas’ apartment wouldn’t be.

There was another knock. “Yo, Thomas, you there?!”

Thomas cursed under his breath. What was he going to do?! Joan and Talyn could get hurt if they came inside! But they’d have so many questions if he just left them outside!

Another knock. “Thomas! Hello?!”

Screw it. Thomas saw only one choice and acted on his instincts.

He slipped off the stairs before sprinting to the front door, carefully trying to dodge the battle between the wolf and the dragon. When he reached his front door, he sighed in relief, practically throwing it open.

“Hey, Tom, took your ti-”

Thomas grabbed Joan and Talyn’s shoulders, before closing his eyes and focussing only on his morals, emotions and nostalgia. He prayed it would work on his two friends as well as he sunk down.


	4. Explanations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thomas gets help from the other sides to deal with the fighting wolf and dragon

Thomas sighed in relief as he opened his eyes. The sweet embrace of yesteryear wrapped around him as he found himself in Patton’s room, with Joan and Talyn stood with him. Speaking of Joan and Talyn, the two had never looked more confused. It was understandable they would be; they’d gone from being stood just outside Thomas’ apartment, to being stood in the middle of a room filled with items from Thomas’ childhood.

“What just happened…?” Talyn asked.

“No time to explain,” Thomas replied, before calling out. “Patton! Patton, are you in here?!” There wasn’t a response. He cursed under his breath, before running to the light blue door, heading out to the corridor. “Patton?!”

It wasn’t Patton who answered his call, however, but Janus, who opened his bedroom door, poking his head out. “You sound awfully panicked for someone who’s supposed to be taking some time for himself, Thomas.” He paused, before grinning. “Did you decide to take my advice and push the casting director for the Hitchcopalucus film down the stairs, and now you’re all nervous? Because I personally think that’s a perfectly good reason to take a break from self-care.”

“No, I-”

“THOMAS DID WHAT?!” There was a thudding of footsteps before Remus’ head popped around the doorway as well. “Did they break anything? Their arm? Leg? Neck?!”

“I didn’t push anyone down the stairs! The situation is much more serious than that.”

“You pushed them off a cliff? Even better!”

“No, no one got pushed off of anything! Look, where’s Patton and Virgil? We need all hands on deck.”

“Well, Virgil’s probably in his room. Patton’s in the living room, however I’m under strict orders to not go in there under any circumstances,” Janus explained.

“Then I’ll go get him while you get Virgil!” Before anyone could respond, Remus ran off in the direction of the living room.

Janus sighed. “This’ll go well. It’s not like Virgil doesn’t still hate me…” He left his room, heading over to the purple door that led to Virgil’s room.

Thomas was tapping his foot nervously as he watched the two sides leaving. He couldn’t help but picture the destruction that his apartment had probably already undergone… Oh gosh, what if his neighbours saw or heard and called the police? That would be hard to explain…

Speaking of hard to explain, Joan’s voice spoke, reminding Thomas that his two friends were there with him. “...Thomas, why the heck did we just see two clones of you? And why did one have a snake face and the other have a moustache?”

Thomas turned to them. “I will explain. But I’m freaking out a lot right now because there’s an emergency. To be honest, I wouldn’t have brought you here and let you know about this if I didn’t absolutely have to. So just… hold on and go with it.”

“AAAAAAH! REMUS, STOP IT!!!!”

“Come on, Pat, he wants to be your friend!”

Thomas turned back around to see Patton running down the corridor with Remus chasing him. The latter was holding out the largest, hairiest tarantula Thomas had ever seen - it was the size of a dog. Patton screamed, running and hiding behind Thomas as he reached him. Thomas glared, trying to not let himself get too freaked out as he scolded the creative side. “Remus, get rid of it! This isn’t the time!”

Remus huffed, sliding to a stop and making the tarantula disappear. “It was the only way I could get him out of there!” He lowered his voice to a whisper. “He’s been planning a party to congratulate Jan about being accepted, and refused to stop putting it together.”

“I would have come if you told me Thomas were here!” Patton replied, stepping out from behind Thomas.

“Didn’t have time to tell you. Thomas said it’s an emergency.”

“And now we’re all here, I think it’s best Thomas hurry and give us the details.” Janus had arrived, Virgil a couple paces behind him. However, before Thomas could begin to explain, Virgil froze, eyes widening.

He pointed at Joan and Talyn. “What are they doing here?”

“I’ll explain everything.” Thomas took a deep breath. “So… Roman and Logan got into a bit of an argument in my apartment. It got out of hand very quickly, and, um…” He looked specifically at Patton and Janus. “You know the frog thing?”

He didn’t expect all the sides to groan at this.

“Which one of them was it?” Janus asked.

“Both of them…”

“That’s not good…” Virgil muttered.

“It really isn't. Especially since Logan’s a wolf and Roman’s a dragon, and their fight went from verbal to physical. So they’re completely wrecking my apartment. I have no idea how to talk them down, neither of them will listen to me.”

After a pause, Janus groaned, facepalming. “Thomas, no offence, but you’re an idiot.”

“Huh?”

“Remember, back in the courtroom, what I said when you claimed the trial was unfair? ‘This isn’t even a real courtroom, you’re sitting on the couch with your eyes closed’.”

“What does that have to do with anything?”

“When us sides enter the mindscapes, our physical forms enter too. You, Joan and Talyn, however? You’re not imaginary, and you aren’t exactly able to enter your own head. So you only enter here mentally. In reality, you, Joan and Talyn are still in your apartment, probably just sitting around with your eyes closed, doing nothing. Meaning, in coming, here, instead of getting away from the danger, you just made yourselves ten times more vulnerable.”

“...Oh. I’m guessing we should go back then?”

“No way!” Virgil cried. “We have no plan! We need a plan before we do anything drastic. If not, we’ll probably all die.”

“Well, then we’ll need to make one quickly,” Janus said.

“Isn’t it obvious?” Remus asked, looking between everyone. “We fight fire with fire!”

“What do you mean?” Patton asked, visibly uneasy. After all, an idea from Remus likely wouldn’t be… ideal.

“If they’re both their giant animals, we transform into ours! Then, there’s more of us than them, we are stronger and can take them down and KILL THEM!”

“NO!” was the resound response he got from Patton, Virgil and Thomas, the former adding, “We are not going to hurt them!”

“Actually, Remus has a point.” All eyes went to Janus, who quickly continued. “Not about the killing them part, of course. But us turning into our animals would, as he said, mean we’d be stronger, and therefore we would be able to break up the fight. It would also make it easier for us to talk to and reason with them.”

“But how do we transform into them?” Virgil asked. “We can only do that if we get really overwhelmed. We don’t know if we’re able to do it at will.”

“Well, it’s the best plan we have. The only plan we have. Also, I really think we should be able to-”

“Um… guys?”

Everyone turned to Patton before following his eyeline down the corridor. Stood there, trembling, was a giant wolf, glasses balanced on its face and a tie hanging around its neck. It’s fur was scorched in multiple places, and had many cuts all over it.

“Is that Logan?” Virgil asked, and Thomas nodded.

There was a flash of light, and the wolf shrunk down until Logan was back to normal, standing before them all. He, like the wolf version of him had been, was covered in burns and cuts, and had tears streaming down his face. His eyes drifted to the side, where - like when Patton and Janus had been verbally fighting the day before - a HP bar was floating.

It was empty.

Logan shakily turned back to the others, before he collapsed.

“Logan!” Patton ran forward, catching the logical side before he hit the floor. Janus ran over as well and knelt down beside them, holding two fingers to Logan’s neck.

“He’s still got a heartbeat. He’s still alive, just unconscious.”

“What the fuck, Roman…?” Virgil muttered under his breath as Janus stood up, turning to Thomas.

“Thomas, you, Joan and Talyn take Logan to his room. Give him some food. In video games, eating food usually gets your HP up, so that should hopefully work. The rest of us will go deal with Roman.”

“What about the whole us being vulnerable here thing?”

“It’s fine, we’ll make sure he doesn’t get hurt. Plus, you won’t exactly be much help against Roman. You’ll be much more useful helping Logan.” Janus turned back to the other sides. “Let’s go.”

Patton gently moved Logan into Thomas’ arms, before all the sides sunk out. Thomas adjusted Logan in his arms before standing up. He headed over to the indigo door just down the corridor, before turning to Joan and Talyn. “Uh, can one of you open the door for me? My hands are kinda full…”

“We will if you explain what the fuck’s going on,” Joan replied. “I mean… we just saw five clones of you, one of which was a giant wolf for a bit! What the actual fucking shit?!”

Thomas sighed. “I will explain but I need to get Logan healed, so please open the door, preferably quickly, he’s surprisingly heavy, I think he needs to lay off the Crofters a little…”

Talyn stepped forward and opened the door, and Thomas muttered a quick thanks before heading inside. He led Logan on the bed, before pausing. He was in the mindscape so he could summon things, right? He paused, before focusing on getting a jar of Crofters and a spoon, and soon felt them appear in his hands. “Cool.” He opened the jar and scooped up a spoonful, and then tried his best to feed it to Logan. As he did so, the logical side’s HP bar filled a little. “Good, it’s working…” He continued to feed Logan the Crofters as Joan folded their arms.

“So?”

“Okay, so, we are currently not in the real world. We are in my head. My ‘mindscape’, I think is what I’ve heard the sides call it. Yeah, and those ‘clones’ of me are my sides. They’re like… physical personifications of different aspects of my personality. This is Logan, he’s my logic. There’s also Patton, the one in the blue shirt, who’s my morality; Virgil, the emo one, is my anxiety; Janus, the one with the snake face, is my deceitfulness; Remus, the one with the moustache, is one half of my creativity, specifically the more explicit, demented half; and finally there’s Roman. You haven’t met him yet, but he’s Remus’ brother and the other half of my creativity. The more family friendly, Disney half. Don’t ask me why I’m the only person in the world who seems to have sides and be able to talk to them, I have absolutely no idea why. I just learnt to go with it.

“Since they’re effectively imaginary, they have the ability to shapeshift. And something we learnt yesterday was that, when they get overwhelmed, they uncontrollably shapeshift and into giant animals and, well, lose it. Today, Roman and Logan got into a fight. They got overwhelmed, and Logan turned into a wolf while Roman turned into a dragon. They started physically fighting, and given they’re ferocious animals, it got dangerous fast. The others are going to calm Roman down and hopefully all this can get sorted quick.”

Before Joan and Talyn could even respond, Thomas fed Logan the last bite from the Crofters jar, which successfully brought his HP to full. The logical side’s eyes opened and he gasped awake, abruptly sitting up, only to wince due to his wounds.

“Easy, Lo, you’re hurt.”

Logan shook his head at Thomas’ comment, his wounds disappearing with a click of his fingers. “Figment of your imagination, Thomas, you don’t need to worry.”

“... So physical wounds do nothing  _ unless _ your HP is at zero? You guys get more confusing with every fact I learn…”

“Where are the others?”

“They went to deal with Roman since he was left alone.”

Logan stood up, grabbing Thomas’ wrist as well as Joan and Talyn’s.

“Whoa, Lo, are you sure you’re in condition to help?”

“Yes, Thomas, I am fine. All my physical wounds are healed, and luckily Crofters is the one thing that resets me after I crash due to paradoxes.”

“Really running with the computer metaphor, huh?”

“It’s not a metaphor. Now we need to go.” And with that, Logan sunk out, bringing Thomas, Joan and Talyn with him.


End file.
